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Get Yourself Hooked-Up By the Holidays
There are only 28 shopping days from Thanksgiving to Christmas. For most people that means endless cruising of the malls in search of that perfect holiday trinket for everyone from the paper
boy to their “little schmookie wookie”, but for the single male that means four weeks of heavy combat, fighting the battle to keep from being - THE LONELY GUY! The lonely guy - the person that Aunt Edna pats on
the wrist and says, “Don’t worry son, you’ll find the right woman soon.” Then when she thinks you’re out of earshot, the punch bowl conversation with Uncle Donald is, “Maybe if he got himself some decent clothes and shaved once in a while he would
have someone.” The lonely guy - the person who has noisemakers behind each ear, the champagne bottle hooked up as an IV tube, and his shirt hanging open well past his belly button lint because the thought of watching everyone else sucking face while he
stands there alone on New Year’s Eve is something that he can’t stand to endure.
But there are ways out of single man’s hell before the holidays begin. This time of year opens up some new opportunities to find someone who is not a Ho, Ho, Ho, but instead is nice, nice,
nice and worthy of “taking home to Mom” for Christmas dinner, and then back to your place for a late night snack. Here are some simple ideas on where to find Ms. Right (or even Ms. Right for the Moment) that fit into anyone’s holiday budget:
1) Your local tavern. Why is this so different than the other 11 months of the year, you ask? Because a woman’s need to enter coupledom before
the holidays is even greater than a man’s. Hearing cracks about being the family spinster or questions like - “so, do you think that Anne and Ellen make a cute couple” and the implications of that comment are things that a woman looks forward to about as
much as trips to the gynecologist. Also, this is your chance to set yourself apart from the rest of the “bar flunkies” by doing something creative that fits with the spirit of the holidays. Bring a Santa hat or two to the bar and give one to the girl you
would like to pick-up. Start the conversation with a creative quip and have her put the hat on. Mistletoe in the pocket that suddenly hangs above the two of during a slow dance can be a good way to close the dea1, and a Christmas line like - “So what’s the
one thing that you want the most for Christmas, and don’t worry if you don’t say “Me” - I won’t be offended” may seem a bit cheesy, but they really do work well this time of year. People are generally happier and more open to sharing Christmas
spirit (as well as Christmas Spirits) at this time of year, so give something a different a try.
2) Believe it or not - the mall. Bookstores or multimedia stores are the best. Search around for a someone who passes your looks and approachability tests and subtly start looking for a gift
near them. After about 20 seconds, pretend to be a bit frustrated and say something like, “I’m looking for a present for my sister. She’s about your age, what would you recommend?” The male who isn’t afraid to ask for direction wins big points with
women. Twenty minutes of shopping together leads to a trip to the mall food court, more shopping and a phone number and/or date for later.
3) Volunteer or Christmas related activities. Anything from helping plan the company Christmas party to taking part in a community food drive can be good places to meet a “lifetime”
caliber woman. These things aren’t just for suck-ups and “do-gooders”, everyone should lend a hand at this time of year. If a woman is willing to give up her free time for others, then you know that she is probably a step above the average girl on the
caring about others staircase. Also, there is an added benefit of knowing that you are doing something to help others that makes you feel good about yourself during the holidays. I know a guy who met his wife at a fund drive to give toys to local kids. She was
a teacher, they got to talking, a drink and two years later they were hitched.
The bottom line is that you have to get off your butt and do things that give you the opportunity to meet people. The woman of your dreams won’t be ringing your doorbell with Christmas
cookies in her hand while mouthing, “Take me now, savage” anytime soon. What better time is there to go looking than when the fear of ODing on Fruit Cake on a lonely Christmas hangs in the balance? And hey, if nothing else works - shave and wear some nice
clothes and at least Aunt Edna won’t make fun of you.
Cool Connections
She was getting away. With growing despair, my eyes flitted between this retreating beauty and the sluggish checkout woman tap, tap, tapping her roll of pennies on the edge of the cash
register with aaaaaaaall the tiiiiiiiime in the wooooooorld. C’mon lady, the romantic future of the planet hinges on you getting that rather ample posterior of yours in gear, sometime in the next five seconds and giving me my change. But I get ahead of
myself…
She’d walked her stunning self over to the supermarket magazine rack a few minutes back, searching but not finding. But I found something - myself gawking like a goon. I’m leaning up
against the rack, nose in Swimsuit or Muscle Motor, looking how anyone looks who has that settled-in-by-the-grocery-store-magazine-aisle energy: Loser - no place to
be, no one to be with, pretty pathetic. Honest, my lovely, I’m a pretty happenin’ guy. What am I doing here? Oh, just hangin’ for a moment, getting ideas for my next column. Did I say I was a writer? I’m just a’chatterin’ away - in my head. She
hasn’t said a word, she hasn’t even looked at me. OK, maybe she glanced just for a second in my direction, as a way of identifying other life forms in her path. Don’t even want to know what she decided. Off she goes with her box of Cheerios.
That’s my cue. I’m outta here, right behind you in line, honey. We’re waiting. We’re humming. OK, I’m humming. She’s looking at People,
just not this people. I glance askance and what meets my eye and turns a smile from my lips? The icy fruit bar cooler, standing by itself, beckoning with its promise to chase off the summer swelter. Coconut for me and for her? What’ll it be? Does she look
like a lime girl? Banana? Mango? Something safe…hmmmm. Pineapple. Perfect. Everyone loves pineapple.
She’s done and they’re packing up, buying me precious seconds as my OJ and two frosty fruities are rung up. Hand over the four singles and suddenly, I enter a bizarre rip in the space-time
continuum. In front of me, my checkout Charlene just geared down to slo-mo, while to my right, my sweet pineapple in blue jeans is moving out like an old Charlie Chaplin movie. Tap…tap…tap…. I’m never going to see this woman again because I’m waiting
on 62 cents. No, no, nO, NO, NOOOOO! I stuff ‘em in a bag and bolt. “Sir, Your Change!!!” chases after me. “Keep it!” and then I’m out, cruisin’ past the gumball machines, apartment guides, double auto doors and into the warm summer night.
Stop…Scan…Lock-on. She’s moving to her car, almost there. “Oh miss!” I’m not thinking. I’m creating.
She stops, turns, confused, nervous. “You forgot something” as I close the gap. Nervousness morphs into suspicion. I stop, smile, fish in my bag. She doesn’t have a clue what the hell
I’m doing. “Here,” I declare, admirably conveying the impression of a confident, suave, and totally in-control 10-year old. I hand her the chilly, yellow, cello-wrapped block. “This is yours.” A trace of an up-turn arrives at the corner of her mouth
- or was it wishful thinking. No time for doubts. I’m all in. “I didn’t buy this,” she points out. I nod. “Well, technically, that’s true. I bought it…and I wanted you to have it.” Infant smirk grows up to a toddler of a smile. Gotta keep
nurturing this budding child here. “This was just the first thing that came to mind because…I just had to meet you.” On “…meet you,” my eyes, which up till now had been diligently counting the eyelets on my sneakers - there are seven, counting that
afterthought one up near the ankle - connected with hers.
I take out my bar, start unwrapping it, modeling desired behavior. She bites, follows suit, and bites again. The camera pans up and away as the voices begin to fade, the music swells and
amidst the triumphant sexy strains of victory, she delivers a relaxed, happy-faced laugh. It’s warmth, confection, and connection. And we’ve got 14 more flavors to go.
Is art imitating life? Or the other way around? I’ll never tell.
What Kind of Flirt Are You?
The sexual revolution may be over, but intercourse is more popular than ever -- social intercourse, that is! What's "social intercourse?" In a word, flirting. Why
flirt? To have fun, to meet, to date, to mate, or to be intimate which will lead to intercourse. If that is your desire we still must start with "social intercouse," and step number one in achieving any of the above is to become and practice the
tricks of a MASTER FLIRT as you engage in the art of social intercourse.
In my book HOW TO ATTRACT ANYONE. ANYTIME, ANYPLACE: The Smart Guide to Flirting, I say "Baby you were born to flirt," and explain the skills of being a MASTER
FLIRT. But first you must believe it is OK to flirt, and in my classes at The Learning Annex, I give you permission to flirt and show you how. New York is a flirters paradise if you view it that way. You can meet people anywhere and interesting things are
always occurring. There are coffee bars, and train delays, and snow storms and park events. Contrary to what you might think-- being a flirt does not mean being a tease or playboy. Flirting is simply a charming and honest expression of interest in another
person.
Talk to that person next to you at the Museum of Modern Art, go to jazz in the garden on a summer evening. Take a trip to the Museum of Natural History and sit in the cafe,
and talk about those dinasours. Gallery hop, go to SoHo and sip cappucino. Being a good conversationalist, listener, and knowing what to do with your eyes, smile and body will help you make the acquaintance of that special stranger. In NY there are about
450,000 singles; just being busy living your life, taking courses, sitting in cafes and you will be closer to getting everything and everybody you want.
One thing holding you back may be messages you got as a child--"don't talk to strangers," "that's not nice," "silence is golden," "let him
talk to you first," "don't be aggressive." Now let's see where you stand on the flirting scale. Answer one of the questions from the quiz in my book to help you identify your flirting style. Will you find out that you are a Self-Centered flirt?
An "I-Don't-Flirt" Flirt? A Terminator Flirt? An Analytical Flirt? An Insincere Flirt?
At the local market, you notice an attractive shopper squeezing the melons. You also notice that he or she isn't wearing a wedding ring. You:
If you answered #1 you may missing opportunities by being an I Don't Flirt, Flirt, while #2's may be missing opportunities by being insensitive or self-centered. Number 3s
may need to temper their style--an Arnold Schwartzenegger is overwhelming as a flirt because flirting is a gentle art. If you answered #4 know that flirting is subtle and slow. Try to enjoy the scenery and remember desperation shows. Number 5's need to be more
sincere, and #6's are too analytical. Make up your mind and do something before you lose the object of your affection.
Most of us have a little of all the numbers in us, but if you find yourself coming on too strong, making sexual remarks, or letting shyness hold you back there are many
techniques to learn and social skills to practice to become more successful with the opposite sex.
Remember the sexual revolution may be over, but sex is not dead. We all want to meet that special someone so start with "social intercourse," flirting, and you
will be much closer to your goal. Take some risks, practice your skills, put your best foot forward and have a whole lot of fun ATTRACTING ANYONE, ANYTIME, ANYPLACE.
Relationship Strategies in the Workplace
Are you confused about what you can and can't say? Would you like to date her/him, yet you stay at arms distance? When is it flirting and when can it be considered sexual
harassment?
Men and women are working closely in NYC, long hours and in small places. They are told to stay away, but they are still biologically and psychologically the opposite sex.
It's hard! Susan Rabin, M. A., president of DYNAMIC COMMUNICATIONS a company dedicated to building better business relationships and author of the best-selling book, HOW TO ATTRACT ANYONE, ANYTIME ANYPLACE guides
you in ending the battle of the sexes by uncovering the secrets of male/female communication styles.
Meet the challenge of breaking the barriers and discover what bothers men about women, and women about men to strengthen understanding, foster teamwork, and prevent sexual
harassment. Here are some hints to guide you.
9 to 5 Dos and Don'ts
REMEMBER:
Enjoy your job in this great city and slowly and cautiously get to meet those special someones.
How to Have Fun Meeting People on the Internet--and Stay Safe
The Internet is a little different way to meet people than anything that has existed before.
Online services provide a targeted means of locating potentially compatible matches. But as with any means of meeting people, there are some procedures to follow that keep you safe from the
possibility of encountering an insincere person.
First, stick with e-mail contact until you have satisfied yourself that the possibilities are good and the time is right for a meeting. You will have the best result if you exchange e-mails
and re-read the person’s essay answers. Discuss issues that are of greatest importance to you. E-mail is an imperfect form of communication. We often assume too much about the person with whom we are corresponding
based on our own interpretation of what the messages say. Sometimes, it takes a series of messages to form a picture of a prospective match.
Second, because most online services forward messages by anonymous e-mail, your full name, telephone number and other personal information is never revealed until you take action to do so. As
with arranging meetings, your decision to reveal information should be based on reaching a comfort level with the person you are corresponding with.
Third, you can add a further layer of anonymity by subscribing to an e-mail service like AltaVista.com mail or Hotmail.com. These services allow you to send and receive mail in a separate
account from your regular e-mail account. And these services are free.
Fourth, if you or the person you are corresponding with have chosen not to post photos on the dating site, you can exchange them through e-mail so you have some assurance that the person’s
appearance is what he or she has described.
Fifth, don’t hesitate to ask for a personal reference. Most people would be happy to have a friend or two vouch for them.
Sixth, give your work number first. Then your home number when you are ready.
Seventh, when you choose to meet, do so in a public place. There is probably negligible risk, but why not be as safe as you can be? |
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